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 Post subject: Looking for a people to give me feedback?
 Post Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 11:54 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 25, 2012 4:43 am
Posts: 5
I just finished the first book my game will be based from! If you would like to read it and give me some feedback you can download it at...

http://www.gapcreations.com

The website is still in the construction phase!

Darin (Chaplaindm)


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 Post subject: Re: Looking for a people to give me feedback?
 Post Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 12:02 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2009 8:42 am
Posts: 292
Location: McKees Rocks, PA
Definitely can't just read right now per se, but it's worth mentioning that as a first impression (understanding that the web site is under construction), crucible and yearns are both spelled wrong! :P

Curious: Is this book going to be a metaphor of some sort for the story of salvation?

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 Post subject: Re: Looking for a people to give me feedback?
 Post Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 2:14 pm 
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Joined: Fri Sep 19, 2008 10:40 pm
Posts: 330
Location: Australia
http://www.holyworlds.org/

I'd try checking out one of the forums there. They have strict posting rules, so just check that you're not violating anything first, but you might have a bit more like getting some in depth constructive criticism.


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 Post subject: Re: Looking for a people to give me feedback?
 Post Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 3:05 pm 
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Joined: Thu Apr 05, 2012 2:25 pm
Posts: 24
Location: Ensenada, Mexico
Hey Darin,

I think you're idea of a book series to accompany a game is good. If the book series is good, people will be more likely to play the game and vice-versa.

However, let me offer some critique of your website:
  • I would focus on the site being for "Heritage Lost" and not GapCreations. Have a page or two dedicated to your company/group for sure, but you currently have one product, so get visitors involved in that first, then those who are interested can get info about your company/group
  • Put some extra work into your logo since it will be on everything for the brand. Some nice Gold lettering with shading would look good for your theme for instance.
  • Speaking of colors, browns/tans would be good for base colors on your site. It will help continue the feel of old-map/leather that the map image at the top conveys, which is great by the way.
  • Think of the navigation from the visitors perspective who knows nothing about your project. They will most likely be looking at your site for info on what this Heritage Lost series is. Only include the blog if you plan on updating it regularly, otherwise, I'd leave it out or roll it in with another page instead. With all that in mind, I think a navbar-layout like this might be good:
    [Heritage Lost Series][Blog][Store][divider or space][Who We Are][The Gospel][Contact]
  • Some other practical considerations might be to only have the shopping cart on the store pages (It doesn't help on the other pages), make the images in the sidebar linked to the appropriate pages, use your footer to your advantage instead just replicating your navbar by including your company blurb there, and I would put downloads in .pdf format (.docx format isn't as portable and as far as I know, is more difficult to transfer to an e-reader style format).

Those are my opinions, but I hope they help. Sorry I didn't critique the book, I'm not much of a writer.

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 Post subject: Re: Looking for a people to give me feedback?
 Post Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 1:12 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 25, 2012 4:43 am
Posts: 5
@achild, Woops! I haven't ran it though the spell checker. As far as what it is about, I guess you could say it is somewhat a biography.

@Blacko- Already posted it on there!

@GorillaMcD- Thanks for the advice. Still learning a lot and hopefully will figure out how to make some changes to the template. I like the idea of using the same colors of the map for the site.

Darin


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