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Here is a hobby I've been working on for the last year actively and several years inactively.

EDIT

that was good

And this topic is a good idea, as I am not doing any game related stuff much any more. I am at uni doing film production, so I will probably be posting stuff from that in future.

Funny

I agree this thread is a good idea, but shouldn't it go somewhere besides the Game Development General category? Like in The Water Cooler?

Kukanani

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Nice, I got a good laugh out of that on facebook, I agree though, it doesn't belong here.

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Its time to get Terminal!

The description of this area is "Post updates of what you've been working on". So if Lava is working on his stand up comedy routine and is looking for feedback then it does infact belong here.

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Ideas are a dime a dozen, drive and execution are far more rare.

Thanks so much Kiwee, Mene-Mene and Kukanani for the compliments and feedback!

Yeah, Kiwee, I'd love to see your film stuff.

And thanks Mack

Boy Lava, that was great! I actually laughed out loud at some, and some were really really bad What a hoot.

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Sam Washburn

P1XL.com - Rockin' Pixel Games for your iPhone
Rom12 Studios - Christian Games for Young and Old..eventually.

Thanks Sam, for the feedback!

The journey continues...

EDIT

Hey Lava,

Love the videos! However I think you need to slow down on your delivery. You remind me of Mitch Hedberg. He uses the same technique. Speak like your talking about something normal and then hit the audience with the bizzar ironic twist at the end. Your jokes are clever but you're not allowing the audience to absorb the story of what you're saying. You need to give them some time to think about it. Then broadside them with the suprise ending. Otherwise you almost come off as really nervous even if you aren't. Work on your stage presence and performance of the jokes and I promise you your routine will bring the house down.

Love ya brother. Keep it up. I know from personal experience it's hard to face a crowd and perform. Bravo well done.

Blessings

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http://www.crossmanstudios.com

Dev Tools: Lightwave 3d v 9.6, Silo 2.0, AdventureMaker
Design Programs: Gimpshop, Photoshop CS 2
Verse: But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name

Thank you so much Jes for the encouragement and constructive criticism. I will definitely work on slowing down and I might even experiment with pacing. You gave really sound advice, thanks again!

Yeah, i thikn jes is right that you need to control your pace better.

For the sound quality was quite low on video, so hence me, a foreigner, i was able to catch maybe 4 jokes in total from those both two videos.

If it had been Eddie Murphy at stage, i would have catched more despite the sound quality. So by conentrating more on pace and so on, you can make yourself more understandable.

but basically two things i noticed. One good thing, and one thing to consider.

Godo thing is, that your sound was right. That it sounded believable and like any pro comedian. For example if i would have a game and at some point there would be on background some comedian, even if that game would be of top nothc quality, being the World of Warcrafts next update, I dont think there would be any problem in using you as the voice actor for that.

The imporvement thing.

I ddint quite well hear almost any of your jokes, but it seemed to me like they were all separate jokes.

Its much more interesting when theres a whole story you are telling and jokes come along the way.

Like "It was next week when i went to shop..." "Then there was this guy who...", "While looking at those shelters i realised where Dinosaurs died...". "And this woman stopped me and complained how se had..." "When i finally got to cashier..."...

This way theres backgorund story to follow, a ttory how you went to stop, and ther you stumped on this and that guy, saw this and that, and thought this and that, and bought theh stuff, when you were driving back home....

So hteres lots of possibilities to have jokes along the way that you hav figure out from totally different topic. Like you stopped on that neighbour of yours and she ttarted coplaining about how she had been at hosptial last week (at this moment you can tell bunch of hosptial jokes)

Oh, and one tip of joke that you can steal from one Finnish guy.

So the idea is that there is this famous ski jumper in Finland who is all the time in headlines on tabloids.

He happens to have hes own alcohol drink that has his face on the label.

So the guy started "Ive always been wondering that they should start putting those big warning labels they have on cigarette boxes to Alcohol bottles as well. To same way tell what might happen if you keep drinking them.
Well, actually i just other day noticed there is one brand that has that, i brought it with me, here. *lifts bottle up where that picture of that ski jumper is* - Drink this, and you might become like him."

If you have somthing like a beer bottle with David Hasselhofs face or something similar, you could make US version of that same joke.

I'm really sorry about this, I wish you could've heard more jokes. I have been trying to improve the sound (hopefully the sound quality of my latest video is better than the first one). But yeah, as you said, pacing should be able to help that.

Again, my apologies.



Well thank you! I appreciate the compliment.



You are correct, at this point I mostly write one-liners.



Interesting point. In my opinion, story-telling in stand-up comedy can be difficult (especially if you're just starting out, such as myself), simply because of the fact that interesting stories help keep an attention span. And like you said about littering jokes in the story, that is needed to keep the audience with you till you get to the punchline.

It is part of my plan to write longer jokes, but that might be a while. Being that the one-liners are a good exercise for me to get my key ideas down and I'm still pretty new at this.

Thank you for the advice.



While I do appreciate the advice, one thing that considered bad for a comedian to do is steal other comedian's material. Some may or may not know this, being that there are other creative fields out there where taking ideas is alright, especially video games; there are many games that could be considered "rip-offs" of each other, but what is more noted is if the gameplay is good. Music is another field where covering music is ok, because the musicians have more control over their product.

I believe Stand-Up Comedy is different for two reasons. For one; if someone does a joke that another comedian did, people can assume that the "joke thief" wrote it themselves, if it is not stated otherwise. Secondly; originality and words are greatly valued to comedians, being that the humor starts in the writing stage before it is performed.

Thanks for the feedback!

Hey Lava,

I just wanted to say that while I largely agree with most of what bugala had to say about story arching your jokes I don't necessarily think it's as critical with your particular style of comedy. For example, Mitch Hedberg's comedy really isn't linked at all. It's more like short stories. Mini-episodes if you will. However I do think that some particular item of intrest in each story should help transition into another. There I strongly agree with bugala. Transitioning is key.

For example: "Hey everybody one day I was riding my bike......and so and so's kid slapped me from behind! (laughs) Speaking of kids I once saw this 5 year old........"

And so you transition from one mini-episode to another with a connecting bridge of disconnected subjects.

The first joke was about bike riding while the next is about silly 5 year olds and their wacky behavior.

Anyways that's my two cents.



Your welcome brother. Happy you found it constructive. Love ya bro. Keep up the good work. I want to see more videos!

blessings

_________________

http://www.crossmanstudios.com

Dev Tools: Lightwave 3d v 9.6, Silo 2.0, AdventureMaker
Design Programs: Gimpshop, Photoshop CS 2
Verse: But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name

Great job, Lava! That was very good.

Like some of the others, I had a hard time hearing a couple of the jokes, but overall it was very funny.

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I had to say you had me laughing, but it was a little quick, not done laughing at the first joke and the next one was already done. Great jokes, good variety.

Those are funny, Lava!

I think you make a good point in that my segues into each joke should be smoother. As of late, I have been trying to group some of the jokes where I can, if there is a consistent theme. But what I'm not doing is blending between jokes. Which, what you're saying could help regardless if all of the jokes fit together perfectly. Thanks for this advice.



I will have more in the future, thank you for the support!



Thank you Han so much! Hopefully by the next video I'll have better sound quality (and I might even put in subtitles if I can't improve it).



Thanks Kenman! Sorry about the speed, I'll try to slow down next time, haha.



Thanks Mighty! I appreciate your feedback.

Update:
EDIT

In this video I tried to improve over the last one. In my performance I tried to connect most of the jokes with either a "speaking of this" or I tried to group them together so it seemed less random. I also tried to take more time in between each joke and I tried to take a little longer time in setting up each one.

As for the editing side of it. I reworked the sound so it wasn't as loud and that it didn't sound like it was just coming in one ear. I also added subtitles, however I do I wish that my software could have let me put a border around the text so it was easier to read. To compensate, I found a text color that stood out the most and made it bold.

Fantastic, Lava. You're getting better! Now I'm starting to pick out the bad jokes The delivery was pretty good, and the segues mostly well done. Seemed like there were a lot of "the other day" ones at the beginning. Still, a great improvement.

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Sam Washburn

P1XL.com - Rockin' Pixel Games for your iPhone
Rom12 Studios - Christian Games for Young and Old..eventually.